What does it say about your wisdom and decision making ability when your cumulative life choices have brought you to such a place as you are financially bereft, emotionallyerupting and frozen in thought?
Yeah, thats my life
yay me
Friday, June 05, 2015
Thursday, May 28, 2015
A.D.H.D: It's not fine.
We had a follow up apt with the psychiatrist today for Turbo. Last October he was diagnosed as having A.D.H.D. and anxiety. Today I requested a prescription for medication be prescribed for the A.D.H.D. and the Dr. was glad to oblige. Bomb shell. The moment she got out her prescription pad I started to realize what I have done.
I should have been glad? Happy the doctor was willing to co-operate? Really I just came away very uncertain, scared, angry. Resentful. I resent that "normal" looks nothing like my kid. His inability to focus on reading, my kids ability to hyper focus on stuff he loves, stuff that make sense to him. Stuff like the computers, animation, creating videos, humour etc. Its not "normal". Nothing like who this amazing, crazy, argumentative, stubborn, black and white kid is. I am being pressured to change him through medication neither he nor I truly want.
I'm starting to get the hippies, the unschoolers, the way-outside-the-box-educating-parents. He thinks deeply, has an amazing memory, an intense sense of justice, cares deeply about those around him, the computer guy he buys stuff from is shocked by Turbo's self-taught knowledge. He is amazing and I am being pressured to force a change on him so he is more manageable for others and better fits the educational norms.
In the theme of Stop Saying You're Fine, It's not fine that my kid isn't accepted for who he is, how he learns, what he loves. It's not fine that he may be put on a medication that can affect his growth, eating patterns, and heart. It's not fine.
I should have been glad? Happy the doctor was willing to co-operate? Really I just came away very uncertain, scared, angry. Resentful. I resent that "normal" looks nothing like my kid. His inability to focus on reading, my kids ability to hyper focus on stuff he loves, stuff that make sense to him. Stuff like the computers, animation, creating videos, humour etc. Its not "normal". Nothing like who this amazing, crazy, argumentative, stubborn, black and white kid is. I am being pressured to change him through medication neither he nor I truly want.
I'm starting to get the hippies, the unschoolers, the way-outside-the-box-educating-parents. He thinks deeply, has an amazing memory, an intense sense of justice, cares deeply about those around him, the computer guy he buys stuff from is shocked by Turbo's self-taught knowledge. He is amazing and I am being pressured to force a change on him so he is more manageable for others and better fits the educational norms.
In the theme of Stop Saying You're Fine, It's not fine that my kid isn't accepted for who he is, how he learns, what he loves. It's not fine that he may be put on a medication that can affect his growth, eating patterns, and heart. It's not fine.
Monday, May 25, 2015
Steps A through 4.......
I have been reading a very encouraging book, Stop Saying You're Fine; Discover a More Powerful You by Mel Robbins. I sought this book out after being directed to a YouTube hosted video entitled; "How to Stop Screwing Yourself Over" also by Mel Robbins.
A. The Rule of Right Now
While working through the first chapter I have discovered the beauty and effectiveness of right now. In short; don't put off the little things, do what you ought to do now. Delaying just means you are waiting to talk yourself out of action. Little things become big things. The more we are victorious in doing what needs done right away the easier it is to take action next time.
A quick tidying of the front room takes less than five minutes, I have been guilty of putting it off for half the day telling myself, "I will do it in just a minute." While it nags at me, driving me nutty and adding one more little thing on the pile of irritations. In applying the Right Now rule when I think of it as I'm walking by I'll turn around and pick up the front room. Less than five minutes and one less thing I have to think about, one less thing to stress over because it's done, one less item niggling at my ability to focus on the big stuff.
I have found the more I look after the little things immediately; the less stressed I am, the tidier our home is, the fewer times I find myself dreaming of a beach vacation. Well, I still dream of a beach vacation but occasionally I think of taking my family with me. Ha!
B. Chicken or Jerk
Also in the first chapter Mel talks about Chickens and Jerks. In stifling our desires and delaying action we force ourselves into one of two mindsets. Chickens tell themselves that can't do things because something will just go wrong, someone will be mad, something always gets in the way etc
Jerks have a running dialogue which includes blame. The world is out the get the Jerk. Every problem, struggle, hardship is because someone, often very mystical "they", prevents them from succeeding. Their spouse is too selfish, the bank won't give 'em money, the boss won't give a raise, the kids are impossible, the weight is just too hard to take off, their illness is really just worse than anyone else's. ever. blah blah blah, whine, etc
C. Reality Check
You make you life what it is. Money, health, spouse, kids all work as you let them. No you can't will one million dollars into your account but you can take control of the money you do have. Nope your children (teens) will not suddenly think you are Mrs. or Mr. Wonderful, No way can your force of will melt the fat or instantly heal your chronic illness. BUT taking action right now over what you can control has the power to shift your focus and mindset. Do what you can do immediately about your finances; stop over spending, live within your means, apply for a new job (or even a second job). Overweight? Research what may truly be a healthy diet for you and apply it, stop eating crap, go for a walk, drink water, Kids driving you batty? Take 'em with you, walks are good for everyone, sit down and listen to them, don't fix their problems, listen. Unhappy with your job (or lack of)? Determine to apply to one new job everyday even if you don't think you could get it. You may be pleasantly surprised!
The very actions you take can spur you on toward more action, a greater ability to achieve your goal. As a very large woman every time I take a brisk walk I am one step closer to fitness, every time I say, "no thanks" to a diet coke, fries, cookie whatever, I am one step closer to a healthy relationship with food and a healthier well balanced me.
4. YES!
Each time I do what I know I should do, the moment I should do it I am building momentum for the next yes. Yes, I would love to go for a walk to rebuild my health. Yes, I will take a moment and call the friend who needs some encouragement. Yes, I will discipline my child for back talk instead of letting it go. Yes, I can drink water instead of coke, juice, whatever. Yes, I will be sure to pick up the front room so it won't nag at me all day. Yes.
Points for anyone who noticed the A, B, C, 4. A Mad About You reference purely for my own amusement. ~ Lyric
A. The Rule of Right Now
While working through the first chapter I have discovered the beauty and effectiveness of right now. In short; don't put off the little things, do what you ought to do now. Delaying just means you are waiting to talk yourself out of action. Little things become big things. The more we are victorious in doing what needs done right away the easier it is to take action next time.
A quick tidying of the front room takes less than five minutes, I have been guilty of putting it off for half the day telling myself, "I will do it in just a minute." While it nags at me, driving me nutty and adding one more little thing on the pile of irritations. In applying the Right Now rule when I think of it as I'm walking by I'll turn around and pick up the front room. Less than five minutes and one less thing I have to think about, one less thing to stress over because it's done, one less item niggling at my ability to focus on the big stuff.
I have found the more I look after the little things immediately; the less stressed I am, the tidier our home is, the fewer times I find myself dreaming of a beach vacation. Well, I still dream of a beach vacation but occasionally I think of taking my family with me. Ha!
B. Chicken or Jerk
Also in the first chapter Mel talks about Chickens and Jerks. In stifling our desires and delaying action we force ourselves into one of two mindsets. Chickens tell themselves that can't do things because something will just go wrong, someone will be mad, something always gets in the way etc
Jerks have a running dialogue which includes blame. The world is out the get the Jerk. Every problem, struggle, hardship is because someone, often very mystical "they", prevents them from succeeding. Their spouse is too selfish, the bank won't give 'em money, the boss won't give a raise, the kids are impossible, the weight is just too hard to take off, their illness is really just worse than anyone else's. ever. blah blah blah, whine, etc
C. Reality Check
You make you life what it is. Money, health, spouse, kids all work as you let them. No you can't will one million dollars into your account but you can take control of the money you do have. Nope your children (teens) will not suddenly think you are Mrs. or Mr. Wonderful, No way can your force of will melt the fat or instantly heal your chronic illness. BUT taking action right now over what you can control has the power to shift your focus and mindset. Do what you can do immediately about your finances; stop over spending, live within your means, apply for a new job (or even a second job). Overweight? Research what may truly be a healthy diet for you and apply it, stop eating crap, go for a walk, drink water, Kids driving you batty? Take 'em with you, walks are good for everyone, sit down and listen to them, don't fix their problems, listen. Unhappy with your job (or lack of)? Determine to apply to one new job everyday even if you don't think you could get it. You may be pleasantly surprised!
The very actions you take can spur you on toward more action, a greater ability to achieve your goal. As a very large woman every time I take a brisk walk I am one step closer to fitness, every time I say, "no thanks" to a diet coke, fries, cookie whatever, I am one step closer to a healthy relationship with food and a healthier well balanced me.
4. YES!
Each time I do what I know I should do, the moment I should do it I am building momentum for the next yes. Yes, I would love to go for a walk to rebuild my health. Yes, I will take a moment and call the friend who needs some encouragement. Yes, I will discipline my child for back talk instead of letting it go. Yes, I can drink water instead of coke, juice, whatever. Yes, I will be sure to pick up the front room so it won't nag at me all day. Yes.
Points for anyone who noticed the A, B, C, 4. A Mad About You reference purely for my own amusement. ~ Lyric
Sunday, May 17, 2015
Regrooving
regrooving
verb ~ to reestablish ones mojo, moxy, way of being assertive
Yes, I made that up. Yes, it still counts as a word 'cause I wrote it down and said it several times in my head. :D
Regrooving is finding a way to get your feet back under you when so much about your life has changed and will not be going back to "normal" anytime soon. While restarts can be frightening, regrooving is exciting more than scary. A reinvention of ones self when times and circumstances change and there are few familiar land marks to see you through can be scary when you fight it. When you go along for the ride and enjoy the changes it is actually exhilarating.
I'm forty-three, my hubby can't work anymore, my youngest is twelve, my oldest nineteen, I have full-time care of my disabled brother, we are, necessarily, cut off from most of our family, and I haven't worked in twenty years. I could choose to be dead scared, go to bed and not get up for days, pout and whine and be incredibly selfish. Honestly, for just a few moments I let myself do all those things, I let myself be scared, worried, angry, resentful but that's done now. Now I get up, put on my big girl pants and be amazing. I let you know just what that amazing looks like as it happens.
Lyric
verb ~ to reestablish ones mojo, moxy, way of being assertive
Yes, I made that up. Yes, it still counts as a word 'cause I wrote it down and said it several times in my head. :D
Regrooving is finding a way to get your feet back under you when so much about your life has changed and will not be going back to "normal" anytime soon. While restarts can be frightening, regrooving is exciting more than scary. A reinvention of ones self when times and circumstances change and there are few familiar land marks to see you through can be scary when you fight it. When you go along for the ride and enjoy the changes it is actually exhilarating.
I'm forty-three, my hubby can't work anymore, my youngest is twelve, my oldest nineteen, I have full-time care of my disabled brother, we are, necessarily, cut off from most of our family, and I haven't worked in twenty years. I could choose to be dead scared, go to bed and not get up for days, pout and whine and be incredibly selfish. Honestly, for just a few moments I let myself do all those things, I let myself be scared, worried, angry, resentful but that's done now. Now I get up, put on my big girl pants and be amazing. I let you know just what that amazing looks like as it happens.
Lyric
Its Good to Know I Piss Off My Daughter
It is good to have your kids frustrated with you now and then. That way you know you're doing your job. Standing up for what is right is part of my job as a parent, regardless of what reception my, "nope" gets. Sorry girly, I'll be your Mum as long as you need one. You're friend when you've grown.
Friday, June 13, 2014
Positivity and Help Received
I will choose to remain postive. I will choose to see the good in each situation. I will choose to be happy for the small things and let go of the anxiety and doubts. Each day is a gift. How many people have breathed their last breathe while desperate from just one more? I will remember this and be grateful.
I have had some wonderful support and understanding these last few days because I asked for it. I was honest and let them know I was incredibly stressed and at the end of my rope. just done. I couldn't move another step and they came along side with support, understanding, acceptance, suggestions, and concrete helps. Thank you 'shed ladies.
I still don't know what school will look like next year. I don't know if we will make the switch to public school or will radically change how we educate at home. I do know that we have an appointment to an A.D.H.D. clinic and will pursue a diagnosis for Turbo and hopefully get some support, advice, and strategies there.
Lyric
I have had some wonderful support and understanding these last few days because I asked for it. I was honest and let them know I was incredibly stressed and at the end of my rope. just done. I couldn't move another step and they came along side with support, understanding, acceptance, suggestions, and concrete helps. Thank you 'shed ladies.
I still don't know what school will look like next year. I don't know if we will make the switch to public school or will radically change how we educate at home. I do know that we have an appointment to an A.D.H.D. clinic and will pursue a diagnosis for Turbo and hopefully get some support, advice, and strategies there.
Lyric
Monday, June 09, 2014
Summer School and Cadet Camp
The Cadet's first year in Secondary School has been a learning experience. Which is the polite way to say we both realized how much I over-did for him while he was home schooling. Reminding, nagging, organizing, reminding, helping, coaching, reminding etc. I did a lot of reminding. Going out to school Matt quickly learned that his teachers expected him to be self- organized, motivated, disciplined, and directed. He did well in most areas except when it came to English (he'll get that credit, barely) math. Previously Matt found math very easy, therefore didn't have to push himself hard to get each assignment done. Well grade nine math at this gifted school was more challenging than he anticipated. Summer school has been suggested.
I'm all for summer school, I appreciate that the board even offers it. But, and here's the sticky part, the Cadet has been given the opportunity to go on a three week excursion with his corps and the excursion begins two days before the end of the summer school. Wish me luck negotiating with the school board so he'll be able to do both. Should be interesting.
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